prelude to a farewell

i’ve been mulling this over for a while now. in fact I’ve probably been putting it off. but the reality has caught up with me and it’s time i finally pull the plug on this show and send everybody home.

almost 3 years ago I began this little experiment. the idea was fairly simple. a post each day sharing a haiku. a meditation on the day. it became a kind of creative healing. a place to play and park so many of the thoughts that go rolling around inside my brain. this endeavor kept me active and more engaged with the world around me as i looked for new inspiration.

but time has caught up and shifted me now to a different place. the purpose has, i believe largely been fulfilled. i had wanted to share some things and the way i see the world. and i’ve done that. and sure, i could keep it up i suppose, but now it’s time for other projects.

thanks to all of you who joined me on the journey and who are reading this now. thanks for your comments of encouragement. it means a lot. i plan to leave the blog up indefinitely (that is to say as long as blogger allows) and invite you to visit the archives. if there are any missing links or files related to earlier posts, and you would like some more info or the original file, just shoot me a comment and i’ll be happy to respond as i am able.

and finally for those of you who were always wondering or never thought to ask, here is a little insight on the origins of the name “toastrobot”. back at the beginning of this as i was trying to think of a name, i was looking for something that sounded like two opposing ideas, like “iron butterfly”. i love robots, especially the shiny metal toy variety. and the contrast of a warm piece of toast appealed to me. like something fresh. add to it that my motorbike is commonly referred to as a “toaster” and it just seemed to work. anyway, it’s certainly taken on its own life and given me some in return.

so there you have it. may you continue to be blessed as i have been blessed.

mattb

favorite things 18

the days around here are finally beginning to warm, and of course the baseball season is now in full swing. which for us means a lot more time spent outside. last night as the sun began its descent we barbecued nathan's hot dogs while my son aaron and i played catch on the lawn. in the background we could hear the sights and sounds of another game being played by our local team far away in the land of their birth. there in new york it was cold and wet, and i smiled as some of the remaining sunlight still touched my cheek.
since we're well inside the broadcast area, my little transistor radio works well. this one is a repro we picked up years ago based on a design from the 50's. like most of my favorite things what i love about it is the simplicity and reliability. unlike so many of the complicated digital whatsits of today, this device only does one thing and needs no online tutorials to operate (that is unless you were born after 1985) the cost to operate this little marvel amounts to less than a couple dollars a year. and for now the airwaves remain free.
there's something very calming about listening to the ballgame on the radio on the porch or while working in the back yard. for a time you can imagine that life is still simpler, like the design of this transistor. but then your line of thought drifts forward as you remember that this gadget heralded a coming future, where we could not only take the broadcasted programming to the beach with us, but one day become the broadcasters ourselves.

soul's walk takes us to
cross a bridge of serenity
and find our love

favorite things 17

while walking through the aisles of the roseville antique trove last year, i spotted this crude little nativity on a shelf. it immediately drew me in. something in the way it looked, the unpainted wood and hand hewn figures reached out to me in a kind of kinship. in fact the more i interact with each one, i have a sense that i am not unlike them. crude form altered by the creator's hand, and made to worship the baby Jesus. and now i am pleased to have them in my home, as they will continue to remind me of these things, and draw me closer in at this time of year.

favorite things 16

one of my favorite things on a saturday morning without commitments is cooking breakfast. now breakfast itself is my favorite meal, and saturday is the pinnacle breakfast day. today was the first time i'd done one in the new place and as i stood here putting it all together it occurred to me. although i have my routines and have whipped it all up in many locales this one felt different. the new kitchen, the light coming through the windows. i was re-orienting myself. i immediately wondered how many breakfasts lay ahead here.
one of my most favorite parts of this whole ritual is the quiet time i spend here preparing the food. sometimes i'll rise before everyone else and start stirring quietly. i prepare the coffee first. and once everything is on the stove i like to pull out my old church hymnal. in between flipping the sausages and french toast i'll work my way through a few of the old familiar numbers. and this is very good. it reinforces all that is good in serving and creating, drawing me closer to the Master Creator and Servant. time spent here compared to the rest is very short. but sweet, like the french toast. today we don the beret.

happy birthday babe. from a chicago alley to chicago pizza tonight in berkeley. you are my wife and the mother of my children, but you're also this little girl. i love you!

jang town

one of the great things about having a blog is this idea that you are sharing with the world what's on your virtual bulletin board or refrigerator door. this is jang town, created by my little girl. it's where all her friends and family live and play. in jang town everyone gets along and according to ellie it's always sunny there. except when it's cold, but you still get to wear your favorite outfit. so stop in and say hi, catch a game at a&t, eat an ice cream and let your dog run free in the park. see you at the fountain.

happy happy

i've given props to ron slattery and his bighappyfunhouse before, but it goes without saying that when i'm feeling the melancholy come on i can always turn to bighappy to bring me out of that dark place. so thanks for that slats, and thanks for keepin' on.

favorite things 15

time i finally got around to writing about this one. it's been 4 years now since it showed up in front of my house. but first a little back story.
i used to have this little old cb360. i acquired it from a friend who'd had his fun and grew frustrated with it continually killing batteries. his father-in-law had helped him take it apart to try and diagnose the problem and then put it back together and then abandoned it completely. he wanted to give it to me but i think i ended up giving him the 2 dollars i had in my wallet just to ease my conscience a little.
i experienced the same issues and others and struggled to keep the thing running. and because i was basically helpless i sought out my good friend todd time and time again to help me set it to rights. we finally discovered the electrical problem (burnt out rectifier) but this little scoot just never seemed to run as right as the honda reputation would have one believe.
and then one day todd calls me up on a saturday and asks if i'll be around. when he drove up in his old singlecab, there in the back sat this one. i thought maybe he had come by to show off his latest acquisition, which in a way he had. but this was not one he planned to keep. he told me it was mine! i was speechless. he said he'd been keeping an eye out for something better for me to replace that little honda as a daily rider. something a little more reliable. uh, yeah.
i have long admired these bikes. their dependability and beauty, especially the "toaster" tank version. there was a time when living in sf you would regularly see them parked on city streets and the thought of owning one grew as they even began showing up in my dreams. the slash 5 took bmw out of their long conservative tradition of building reliable long distance touring machines and put them solidly into the company of the new "superbikes" of the late 60's and early 70's. things would never be the same. in an age now where everything is a specialty the r75 is an all-arounder, good at many things though none of them well. except to keep traveling on. and now this one is over 40 just like me, and only getting better with age :^)

favorite things 14

it's been a busy day. my son aaron turned 11 and he wanted to start the day out by getting a dozen doughnuts from the bakery and then settling in to watch the giants/pirates this morning at 9:30. the kid is baseball crazy coming off a giants world series win. fortunately they won their rubber match today for him against the bucs at that beautiful park that so echoes the look and feel of our own.
later he opened his presents which included a new bat and batting gloves. grandpa and grandma came up and brought him a new catcher's glove. we spent the afternoon shagging flies and taking bp out on our front lawn. and he didn't want to stop. and i didn't want to stop.
back when i was in my early twenties i read an article in a magazine about the nokona athletic goods company in the little town of nocona, tx. i loved the idea of this little town's economy dependent on making quality baseball gloves and when i came across one in a used sporting good store one day i grabbed it. i've had my nokona for nearly twenty years now and it has only gotten better with age.


i also love the idea of carrying an old catcher's glove and a ball around. once i took the bus up to seattle with a friend of mine and when we stopped for a bathroom break a couple of guys broke out their gloves for a catch. whipping it back and forth across the asphalt parking lot. it was beautiful to watch. and there is this beautiful cycle of going from throwing the ball with my dad, when i was the gawky kid who dropped routine flies to now being the dad throwing those same pop flies to my own son. and when one sails over his head because he misjudged it and he goes chasing it down, i sometimes look down at the back of my nokona and smile as the sun warms me.

favorite things 13

this little guy was a gift to me and my wife from my mother who received it as a wedding present back in 1958. he sat on all our counters growing up and always held the promise (not always delivered) of treats squirreled away inside his belly. although he has been dropped many times and repaired again and again he remains intact. opening the jar and sniffing inside i can still smell my mom's fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.
one day i was out running errands and my wife called to tell me something strange had happened. on the wall behind the stove there was a little protective plate that covered a vent pipe which ran up to the roof. she had been in the kitchen and suddenly heard a loud thud come from behind the plate followed by a furious scratching sound. she called and asked me what it could be. the only thing i could think was that some poor animal had been prancing across the rooftop and accidentally fallen through the rooftop vent. a squirrel!
by the time i got home the scratching had stopped and i really didn't want to pry the plate off the wall and shovel the little guy out. so for the rest of the time we lived at that house i couldn't look at our little squirrel friend here without also looking at that wall plate and thinking of what was on the other side.

favorite things 12

as the years roll on it is comforting to look at an object again and again and be reminded of the passage of time. this zippo and i have been tramping around together going on 22 years now. it was a long ago gift from a friend in my youth. we both had one, his a version of the art deco 1937 model, and mine the traditional plain brushed. they were our totems, our magic, the source of the mighty element - fire!
as you can now see mine has fallen on hard times. recently on another brain dead trip to work on my bike this fell out of my riding jacket. (it a recent victim of road rash) as i pulled into the driveway at work i heard a sound like metal clinking, and only later did i realize when i went looking in the jacket what had happened. i immediately searched the entire area with no success. i was heartbroken. so many times over the years i had almost lost this thing and risked life and limb more than once getting it back when it was thought lost. and now it seemed it finally was. but all things must pass as the song says and i gradually accustomed myself to the passing of this old friend. but not before making a plea through prayer that it might somehow be returned.
the following day i went back to work on my day off to pick something up, and as i made the turn, there in front of me on the street was my zippo! i had combed the entire area the day before and it had not been there in this spot where it now lay. i stopped the bike, picked up the battered piece of metal, put it in my pocket, and this time closed the zipper. as beat up as it is i have no doubt it will be reborn again. as any devotee or one who has made some casual study well knows these little lanterns have a lifetime guarantee against the destruction and abuse life may bring. and so soon it will be off to bradford, pa and the legendary zippo repair unit for some attuned metallurgy and voila, my shiny friend will once again be beautiful. (incidentally, everything still works)

i left my heart in san francisco

wow. i'm still reeling from all of the excitement of last night's victory. i've just been in a daze. and even a little denial. i guess this is a little what red-sox fans felt like. i'd been waiting a long time to be able to say "the giants are major league baseball's world champions!" and to echo the sentiment of a sign i saw in the small crowd of giant faithful last night, "the torture is over".
and i guess it's hard for me to believe that this is the year. when i think back over the long list of greats to play for this team, mays, mc covey, cepeda, alou, marichial, clark, mitchell, thompson, williams, krukow, kent, nen, beck, schmidt, and bonds just as a sampling, i'm still dumbfounded that these are my guys. guys like freddy sanchez, aubrey huff and edgar rentereia. to be certain though, it was our pitching that won this thing. linncecum, cain, sanchez, bumgarner and the bullpen including brian wilson's magnificent beard which deserves its own spot in the rotation.
although i wasn't around in 62 for that special brand of torture, i can still clearly remember the unusually warm weather in 89 as i sat listening to will clark make the final out against the cubs to win the pennant and send the giants to the world series that year in a bay area exclusive. and of course it seemed as if God Himself intervened in that game 3 to give the a's a chance to reset their 1-2 starters. in 02 it seemed as if they were marching to destiny's tune again, only to have their hopes ripped out on that field in anaheim while the stupid rally monkey danced and mocked us.
and then, this year. what the heck? although i believed they would win the west, i honestly had no expectations they would go any further. and yet as each game passed, and we moved higher up the mountain together i began to believe that it was possible. not certain but possible. and what a wonderful door that opens up, the possible.
and now it is all over. and i think back now to all those games in the past. all the good times and the bad ones too. all of the conversations on barstools and buses and bart trains. all the speculation. the hopes. and the despair. i have been to the heights and the depths with this team. and though there is always a little sadness to me at the passing of the baseball season, this year there will be no bitter dregs to suck on all winter long. only a long lasting warm feeling in our bellies as we sit by the fire and count the days until spring is here again.

take me out with the crowd

i finally had the chance to go see a game the other night, and it was a good one. i'm only living a little over 100 miles from where i grew up but it's amazing how isolated it sometimes feels from the familiar.
although it can get a bit pricey going to see a game, i try and at least get down there for at least one each season. and every once in a while some kind soul will bestow upon me the gift of a seat and ask me to join them. and so it was as this past monday night my friends kyle and chelsey invited me along as a fourth.
like i said, a little over a hundred miles, but these outings can very quickly turn into complex journeys as work schedules need to be modified, traffic patterns studied and train timetables downloaded. kyle and chelsey had taken the day off work and headed down to the city early to make a day of it. i was to meet up with the third member of our party whom i didn't know, and drive down together. we made plans to meet up at my house and i was impressed by the precision of his planning from door to door. he had it all dialed in. how quickly my impression would change.
brian pulled up and my wife recognized him right away. his then fiancee jenny had lived in the apartment behind ours and we had met them a couple times before they were married and she moved out. small world.
brian is a red-sox fan and he showed up sporting a sox cap and a grateful dead shirt (it was jerry garcia tribute night at the at+t) cargo shorts and flip flops. i said "are you going to be warm enough?" knowing that although it was over 90 degrees outside, we would soon be in downtown fog city with the sun going down. "yeah, i'll be ok" he said as we left my apartment. we did end up stopping by his place on the way out of town to grab a sweatshirt and some zucchini muffins (thanks jenny) and were on our way with jerry and the band on the ipod.
the drive to the bay was smooth and we parked at an east bay bart to take the next leg to the city. after surviving the transbay tube trip we hoofed it from embarcadero station over to the park. as we walked i started spotting fans of the dead and it felt a little like we were headed to a different event. (a big shout out to the hippies from chico for bringing down the old international bus) we found kyle and chelsey at the willie mays statue and were now complete.
i should say at this point that we were all the beneficiaries of field club seating through an anonymous contact which meant we had our very own entrance to the park. once inside we felt like baseball fan aristocracy. i'd never come through this door before and was amazed at what lay before my eyes. it was an entire lounge area with our own private food court which included a wine bar and kebob grill. and the whole thing had a fabulously upscale feel compared to the regular concourse above.

once we had all secured food and beverage we made our way through the bowels of the field level tunnels toward our seats which happened to be directly behind the giants dugout. "is this heaven?" i asked kevin costner. we sat and ate garlic fries grooving to the sounds of a grateful dead tribute band. bill walton made a speech in front of home plate, after which phil lesh, mickey hart and a haggard looking bob weir sang the anthem. (i began sniffing the air) jerry's daughter annabelle threw a bouncer to home plate to start the game and then a four year old shyly said "play ball" into a microphone addressing the world.

and as i began to accustom myself to my new environment the game began. giants got off to a rocky start and gave up 2 in the first. i settled in. my new friend brian was showing the city of san francisco why everybody sympathizes with red-sox fans as he began rooting the home nine with great veracity. at one point during the night team mascot lou seal came by with free cracker jack and brian went nuts yelling out "cracker jack!!! hey, cracker jack!!!" whereby lou seal lifted his glasses, and then raised and lowered his paws as a sort of "calm down dude" gesture.
well, we did get our free cracker jack, and as brian shivered in his shorts and flip flops, the kind ladies next to us took pity on him and lent him a spare fleece blanket.
giants tied it up on a wild pitch in the fifth and then both teams scored another run in the sixth. and they remained deadlocked through the ninth and played on. the tenth came and went and although the giants threatened in the tenth the game remained tied. it was getting later and the knife began to slice away the casual observers from the most serious of fans invested in the outcome of this contest. i don't want to make stereotypes, but as the seats near me began to empty i really had to question the dedication of some of these more nattily dressed fans. sure, i know, it was monday night, a work night for most folks and the midnight chimes were fast approaching. time to leave the ball. and though my ticket was free, i had already paid a heavy price to get there and i was committed to the end.

in the bottom of the 11th with bases loaded and no outs pat burrell hit a long sac fly to center to win it. in exultation we began to shuffle out together crooned by mr. tony bennett. a most excellent time indeed. and before we hit the tunnel i turned around and took one more look at that field, not exactly sure when i'd be back. it is without question, my favorite place in all the world.
it's the little things that make it great, all of the details and touches that keep me yearning to return. a true haven for fans of this game. and even though i faced a long journey home and ended up only getting three hours sleep, when i ran into kyle and chelsey at work the next day we all agreed, totally worth it.

favorite things 10

i recently came across some fantastic sites for lego enthusiasts. brickset is a database featuring most of the models sold and/or given away as promotional items for the last 50 years. you can browse by year or theme, and it's a great nostaligia trip for anyone who's ever tried sorting through an enormous pile of plastic bricks looking for a specific part.
and should you find a set from your childhood there, but can't remember how to put it back together, peeron may be able to help. all you need is the model number (like the one in the upper left hand corner of this picture) and peeron will give you an inventory list, instructions sheet or both. and they are always adding to the database and accepting additional information. so if you have some old lego sets with instructions they may need your help.
both these sites were a great resource for me as i went looking for the first lego set i ever had with a minifigure in it. although the pieces were long intermixed with all my kids pieces, i was able to find them and restore something that hadn't been built in years. and that is really the genius of lego. the set i'd had from 20 years ago, now mixed in with their parts, had perhaps been a part of countless other models or lay dormant and now returned to life. and those pieces from 20 or more years ago fit perfectly with those they make today. amazing. a virtually seamless cross-generational toy experience.
and although at times i may have balked at the prices for some of these new models as birthdays and Christmas' passed, one has always been able to buy a very simple version (like the one pictured above) for less than a fiver in an auntie's birthday card. and that gives everyone a level playing field. because for all those kids whose parents showered them with whatever they asked for, there were always the ones with less making up for it with imagination. my lonely rocket man roamed the craters and humps of couches and carpets and always met great adventure.
the little model above is from a theme called "space" which began in 1978 and has continued nearly uninterrupted in some form to today. and if you'd like to delve a little deeper today into the "lego space" mythology continue reading here.

it is a fine day

as the optimism of spring abounds amid all the good weather of late, i am reminded that it is once again baseball season. the loafing and waiting of winter now over, it is in fact time to get to work. i must admit i haven't had as much opportunity as i'd like thus far to evaluate this year's team, but i hear they are a promising bunch. and when i have made it out to the ballyard to watch the boys in their warm-up routines and impromptu games, i am confirmed that summer is indeed on its way.

and as the local nine begin to work off their winter weight under an ever warming sun, we can all warm ourselves in the moment and make predictions for the coming season. it is a long stretch though, so there's no need to hurry. much like the game itself there is a pace to these things. if you push it too fast you may get ancy and find yourself grinding it out sometime down the stretch. but if you try hard and listen to the rhythm of the game you may just find yourself in step to the beat on a beautiful day enjoying the pastime. so pour yourself a glass of cold lemonade, pull up a chair and stay a while. it is a fine day!

favorite things 08

last year around Christmas time i was thrift shopping with my son and i spotted this little beauty for 79 cents on a bric-a-brac shelf. score. i brought it home and it quickly became my new favorite drinking glass. captain america. and then as fate would have it one day as it was soaking in a pan of water, i inadvertently put a pile of plates on top of it. when i lifted the plates later, captain america had been crushed. sadness. but as i lifted the broken pieces out of the pan of water a little zen story came back into my mind that goes a little something like this...
“you see this goblet?” asks achaan chaa, the thai buddhist master. “for me this glass is already broken. i enjoy it; i drink out of it. it holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. if i should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. but when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, i say, ‘of course.’ when I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”
and so i, the grasshopper realized in that moment that sometimes our favorite things are already gone...

favorite things 07

a good friend and i were talking recently. he was telling me he had started a daily workout routine of running and cycling alternating. he had just injured his ankle and was favoring more time on the bicycle. the day before our conversation it had been extremely windy and wet as he headed out on the bike and he cursed the elements as he pressed on through his ride, feeling underprotected while screaming at the skies. "you know, there's just something about having the right gear for whatever activity you're doing" he said. "i mean, you can do it without, but it just makes things so much easier"
true that. i've been blessed by inheriting this proper gear for my old motorbike from another true friend. before, i'd tear around all season in my jeans and an old leather jacket. i wrote an earlier post about what trips were like then here. winter is by far my favorite time to ride here in california. it never gets colder than my second skin can handle and i don't have to deal with all the summer garage queens on the back roads. as chill air races around me, inside my road suit i am warm and well protected.
i love too the ritual of putting it on and taking it off, like the samurai preparing for each day, meditatively donning his armor before heading out and then hanging it up at day's end leaving the outside world on the threshold of personal space. there is a clear line of separation between the outside and the inside worlds. and when you head outside, you'd better be prepared for battle.

favorite things 06

in the 1930's designer buckminster fuller who is most famous for designing the geodesic dome set out to create what he called a "dymaxion revolution". his ideas were pretty radical at the time and would serve today's environmentally conscious designers well. the idea simply put is to get the greatest output possible from the smallest input. i love this idea in theory, and many things come to mind which represent it, among them are the moped and the toy camera. we can imagine stretching these beyond their original design like riding a moped to south america or chronicling the entire trip with a throw away camera. i could also add to that list my little accordion.
the accordian's roots can be traced back thousands of years to a chinese instrument called "the cheng" which was created to reproduce the sounds of the phoenix. hundreds of years later the cheng was brought to europe and underwent varied transformations until in the 19th century in vienna it came to resemble the familiar oompa producing instrument we know today.
although my squeeze box is much smaller and has just one octave it is my little axe for making music. sadly i wish i were able to make it better, but i must practice. i think everyone should make a little music somehow and having gone beyond learning all of the songs in the little book that came with it i'm beginning to learn a few new ones. so now if i do ever get to make that trip to tierra del fuego, i know what to pack for times around the campfire. minimum input - maximum output.

favorite things 05

alright, i am admittedly a big swiss army knife guy. always have been. there's something so cool about an army who historically have seen little action that go marching around with a multi-tool in their kit that has a corkscrew on it. "hey nico, good marching today!" "yes levin, now let's crack open that magnum of cabernet!" "i don't feel like fighting anymore..."
but as great as the sak's are, there's one thing they don't have that i always seem to need in a jam. those grabby things that snap together. i guess that's part of why tim leatherman originally wanted to create one in the first place.
multi-tools aren't the first best option for every job. theyr'e like hybrids, in the sense they do many things, but not necessarily all of them well. and yet i always seem to be reaching for this thing. maybe partly because it's easier to access in my bag than going out to the garage every time i need a tool. and it actually saved me big a couple years back. if you want to read more check out my little contribution to leatherman's tool tales here. (it's in january 2009)