the trade offs

author mark twain spoke of his great love for the river as a boy. how he loved to be near it, running along its muddy banks watching the sun dance on the water. and as he ran up and down the river bank he was ever fascinated by the river boats that navigated it. like their rail bound counterparts the men who captained these vessels were held in high esteem. one can only wonder what went through twain's young mind as he watched the solitary figure of the river boat captain at his post, keeping eye on the river, and maybe catching his gaze, nodding back to the young boy.
as twain grew he studied diligently to achieve the post of river boat captain, and in fact his pen name "mark twain" is actually a nautical term which refers to a safe depth for river boats. after he had achieved this goal and had been a pilot on the river for some time, he reflected on all that he had given up in doing so. as a captain he was obligated to be constantly on watch for hazards and conditions on the river way that might require quick action from him. he commanded a crew and had to earn and keep their respect. he had the safety of a vessel, its cargo and passengers as his responsibility. and in all of this he realized one day that he had lost the carefree easy attitude that had drawn him to the river in the first place. the poetry and sunsets were gone to him replaced by cold facts which he had taken so much care to absorb as he'd learned his trade.
and so the question is was he better for it? i imagine old sam clemens, now at the pilot house of his own river boat, and as he gazed intently at all that was before him, i see another small boy running to catch site of him. perhaps twain paused from all his work for a moment, nodded to the boy and gave a toot from the steam whistle as the process began anew. and i too am now beginning to feel like old sam.