toastrobot

when you're a kid you don't always understand what's going on. some kids are born older and can't wait to grow up. and some of us knew perfectly well that ignorance was sweet bliss. we like to think that time is linear and that as we move forward we're leaving the past in our wake, but the truth is we're carrying it inside. and as the man says "you may be done with the past, but the past ain't done with you".
i remember me and my brother going to stay with my grandparents for a week or so when i was about 7 or 8 years old. i asked why and their explanation didn't satisfy. so there we were. dropped off at an apartment complex. and i wasn't really sure when i'd see them again. it was summer and i spent the days riding my low rider trike around and around the apartment walking paths. the sun sometimes hitting my eyes like lens flares. my legs reached the red pedals of the trike perfectly. it was the last summer they would. i fell into a trance staring at my feet. watching my brown suede desert boots spin around and around on the pedals. pushing. reaching the limit of speed on my little machine. around and around the apartments i rode. taking information in at high speeds and not being able to process it all.
at night me and my brother slept on a sofa hide-a-bed in the apartment living room. my brother would ask when my parents were coming to get us and my grandmother didn't exactly know. when the lights were out he would sometimes sob a little, his back turned to me. at last they came and we were free. and though we hadn't realized it yet, things were very different. i know why so many kids don't want to grow up. they look into the eyes of all the adults and see so much sadness and abandon. and they fear what is waiting for them.

(photo courtesy bighappyfunhouse)