toastrobot

2012-02-12T05:57:00.000-08:00

"in every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks"

-john muir

2012-02-11T08:42:00.002-08:00

eyes gaze on empty
scenes and focus on darkness
giving back blank stares

2012-02-10T06:23:00.000-08:00

coach attles reminding us we're all golden and we always got '75!

2012-02-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

once again the fan-
tasy slips away replaced
by the losing streak

2012-02-08T06:59:00.000-08:00

just trying to stay clean, interesting, inspiring and educational today...

2012-02-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

spirit of travel
compelling all forward as
it moves souls further

magic bus

2012-02-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

went walking around the grounds of our local japanese gardens recently, and i came across this golden beauty. she looked tired sitting off the road and as i walked around something seemed familiar. and then it hit me. a couple years back i had seen one just like this up in roseville at the old train yard. it was in its full original glory, and you can check it out here. as i understand it these were used to shuttle train passengers from satellite stations back in the 1940's and they certainly have that vintage streamlined look from an era where radios and coffee makers looked ready to propel through the stars. i'm not really sure how this one got separated from the fleet, but these days she looks like more like a hippie commune than a glorious streamliner. still, it stirred my imagination toward trips still not taken.

2012-02-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

orienting myself once again to the day of rest. look up. everything points higher.

2012-02-04T08:22:00.000-08:00

through endless battles
we soldier on under the
eyes of Creator

atari age

2012-02-03T08:47:00.000-08:00

i've known about atari age for a while now, but somehow i didn't put 2 and 2 together until just the other day. you see, almost 2 years ago i finally decided to put my own atari lot up for sale. it was a little bittersweet for although i sure didn't need the boxes of consoles and cartridges taking up space in the garage anymore, and had mostly had my fun and was done, my ebay auction didn't yield the result i was hoping for. in fact, to be honest i really lost money on the deal which was the biggest disappointment.

time goes by. sometimes i would hear a song or see an ad in an old comic book that reminded me of those days in the early 80's when i would go over to my best friend's house and play atari for hours. and i missed that a little. so while browsing the atari age website the other day, i was a little surprised to come across an emulator for my mac, and an astonishing collection of roms for the 2600. and the download folders for these take up so little memory. so in no time i had not only replaced every single title i had basically given away in the ebay auction, but was playing games i'd never even heard of.

and in addition to having access to all these fabulous game experiences, atari age is the definitive resource for everything else you would ever want to know about the system including scans of all the ephemera, the instruction booklets, packaging, ads and even a marvel comic series called "atari force". and now i am able to tap into a little bit of that feeling, the memories of long gone days when life just seemed simpler. at my uncle's house in arizona on vacations we would swim all day until we got tired, and then came in and played asteroids or space invaders or missile command until we got the urge to jump back in the pool. and now i'm floating in an 8 bit sea again.

2012-02-02T08:09:00.000-08:00

the pleasure of your
company fills this glass to
hold and toast once more

bar-a i d

2012-02-01T07:22:00.000-08:00

one of the nice things about having a garage, is that you can put stuff in it. and of course this also means the reverse is true as well. and lately my bride of 15+ years has been taking some of this stuff out. tweaking and fine tuning her kitchen area, our old squirrel made its first appearance back the other day. and then i spotted this. a relic from our honeymoon, we picked this up one day walking through the city of vancouver. it's pressed tin, with this great graphic and typography layout, and a rotary dial for thumbing through all of the different cocktail recipes, most of which i've never heard of.
but that doesn't really matter, because it's endless fun dialing your way through and discovering the secret ingredients for such chemical creations as "gertie's garter" and the "ward 8" (make sure there's grenadine in the house first) and although we're not planning on opening a bar any time soon (although there is one in the garage too) it's just a lot of fun having this little novelty around. when i think about the internet, and all that's available, and i'm sure so many hipsters probably already have some app that would shame our little tin friend, it's alright. because more than anything it reminds me of what was. cool couples shaking and stirring while bossa nova records played in the background. maybe they smiled as the ashtrays filled up and they watched their kids running through the long days of summer backyards. and they drank to forget the pain and agony of memories of a world at war.
(oh, and if you hadn't already noticed- the word "aid" on this guy has a little kerning problem. and if you noticed it, you may have fun giving this little game a whirl as well :^)

2012-01-31T09:55:00.000-08:00

fields containing pearls
lie beneath our feet and wait
for full hearts to dig

thrift town

2012-01-30T17:36:00.000-08:00

i was thinking today about the trickle down process of all good objects we own. you buy something new in the store. you use it for a while, and if it doesn't break and you don't need it any more, you may pass it on to a friend. or if you're looking to make a little cash back on the deal, you may try to sell it. craigslist or ebay may get you top dollar, and if you're just not into all the work it takes to do this, it might sit in a garage or storage unit until one day, in a fit of purging it may end up on a table or blanket at a garage sale. here is where the bargain hunters prowl.
or, it may end up at the local thrift store as a donation, because it's just that much easier to get rid of things than to sell them. in fact sometimes the thrift store looks like a big estate sale. and it is here that i have enjoyed many hours just walking the aisles browsing the discarded treasures.
i once went looking for a bowling shirt, and found the entire team selection represented. it was here that i began slowly building my atari 2600 lot, one game at a time for about 95 cents apiece. smoking jackets, fezz hats, harmonicas, old frigidaires, polaroid cameras, vintage t-shirts, ties, 60's office chairs, framed art, school globes, and all manner of tchotchke have been spotted, handled and most times brought home from here on expeditions over the years.
and even when nothing is procured, there's still a good feeling that no time has been wasted after leaving empty handed. for the other thing it satisfies is that voyeuristic desire to open up other people's closets and go through them for a while. and so, even today after thinking about my walkman post and missing the intimacy of analog cassette technology, a quick trip to thrift town produced for me this lucky find. a vintage 1985 wm-f12! sure, it may lack the glamour of the sexier wm-10, but i adore this clunky little find. and for $3.95, it surely was a deal. (listening to a little tribe called quest even as i write this) amazing to me that it was sitting there waiting for me today. as if when it began its journey in the factory in japan some 28 years ago, making its way through the trickle down, it knew it would make its way into my hands today. so get out there while the deals can still be found. pearls be awaiting ;^)

2012-01-29T08:14:00.000-08:00

trading the lush green
pastures for a higher place
to make rest today

2012-01-28T06:21:00.000-08:00

reminded today that the pacific is ever closer than it used to be. and although it is nice to be in the high country from which the melting snows turn into streams, they all ultimately find their way back here. and even as this glass has been changed and re-shaped, i too have been changed as i work my way back to it. may it be for the better.

2012-01-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

he held his poker
face while demon wings fluttered
all around his head

(happy chinese new year...belated)

winning

2012-01-26T09:07:00.000-08:00

again last night we found ourselves at the arena (no this isn't turning into an nba blog) courtesy of some last minute tickets that found their way into our hands. i was a little leery about putting the heartstrings out there again to get tugged on by the local team. we didn't dominate like we had through 3 quarters monday night against memphis. and as i settled in to watch the up and down, back and forth tilt, where neither team really broke away i attempted to remain neutral.
but of course as the final minute ticked down, with our team holding on to a two 3 pointer lead, it was nervous time. fortunately the guys buckled down and held off the blazers to win it by 8. and later as we were on our way out and back home, somebody asked me where the visiting team would go from here. i explained that after the obligation of press conferences and clean up they would be on a plane out of our town and on to the next stop.
and as i pondered this fact and the reality of the nba as this traveling circus, i thought about what that must mean to so many other fans. fans in those one horse sport towns like memphis, oklahoma city, portland and sacramento. for them the arena is an ever changing window display of the out of town stars on parade. kids wait all year to see their heroes come into town and then find themselves in a quandary as to whether to root for kobe or not. it is however, always good to be the home team.

2012-01-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

life calls ups and downs
and drags us to mid court to
make another play

deflated

2012-01-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

i had a chance to get back to the coliseum last night for a warrior game with my lovely bride. it's so nice to be one stop away on bart. in fact, it took us longer to get through the security entrance then to get to the game (a first) but once inside it felt worth the trouble. although not a full house on a monday night, the place was still rocking, and as the w's built up a 20 point lead late in the 3rd quarter, there were good feelings all around.

but as the 4th got underway, so too did the wheels come off for the home team. they proceeded to give the game away as the memphis grizzlies rattled off 39 points in the 4th to top their output for the first half. our collective mood around the arena quickly fizzled into disbelief. golden state of course dropped this one by one, and as we walked back to catch our train i wondered why it is that we get drawn in as fans, and then let down by heartbreak. certainly the loss didn't ruin my wife's evening, if anything i added a black cloud to an otherwise lovely night out. so why is it that we let the game get beyond its proper parameters of entertainment and diversion? i mean i wasn't the one who coughed up that 20 point lead, and most likely those guys got over that loss far quicker than i did. still, i think i need to re-examine my investment emotionally the next time around, because the price of admission is just too high.

2012-01-23T05:25:00.000-08:00

lifted high by fairy
dust and wonderful thoughts
about you today

(happy birthday ellie!)

2012-01-22T09:07:00.000-08:00

sitting on top of the world today.

2012-01-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

the evidence of
rendezvous emptied into
vanished consciousness

matchbook stories 05

2012-01-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

one of the things i really love about our new matchbook collection is this intersection of history, art and often times cartography. latest case in point is this recent discovery in our ash can of treasures. the steak block restaurant no longer exists as such. a little detective work led me to the conclusion that it now operates as a mexican eatery known as "caso robles" or oak house roughly translated.
and although i was supplied with an address on the cover of this matchbook, it did not seem to match up to anything on google maps. but as i took a closer look at the tiny illustrated map inside the cover i began to put the clues together. the alignment had changed over the years and old peralta blvd had become mowry avenue. this was confirmed by an additional sighting of a later matchbook version turned up here on ebay. and as i looked closer at the architectural details i became convinced this was the place.

and this is what i love. the mystery of this long forgotten dining locale revealed through the artist's hand on a crude map. interestingly to me as well, this little haven happens to be a block from my old neighborhood. it was there that my wife and i first settled in a little cottage and i would regularly walk right past it on late night walks with my neighbor and bosom friend. and although the laughter of the old place has faded and the conversation may have turned to espanol, i am again reminded that i am back where life was lived for me here so long ago, and is again.

2012-01-19T06:14:00.000-08:00

the stars of yesterday
now abandoned as
orphan technology

member review

2012-01-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

so first, a little background. i like so many others came to the netflix as a disgruntled movie lover tired of paying those ridiculous late fees, which as i understand it was also the impetus for the creation of the company. although it took some getting used to (no more instant gratification in running down to the rental store for that quick hit) i soon became accustomed, and then fell madly in love with the company. and in fact it really felt there for a while like we were all of us sticking it to the man as we watched the video rental giants began to topple. (hard to believe as a former blockbuster employee that they once sponsored a college bowl game) and there was a certain elegant control i know i felt when checking in to my work computer the morning after putting that red envelope in the mail. reviewing and then reordering the queue. a mystical pleasure at finding hidden treasures on dvd while i sipped that morning cup o' coffee. and it seemed like our love affair would go on and on, even as the number of movies in my queue grew longer than a year of days.
then tragedy. first the great recession hit the reset button on all non-essential expenditures (i know, like film watching isn't essential?) which killed all media in our home for a time. and although initially a bitter and jagged little pill, the hiatus ultimately proved quite positive. i realized how much time i was wasting night after night, sitting mindlessly in front of the tube. (and yes, it was still a tube) then i discovered the local library, and learned to work the system, gaining access to the entire placer county library network. i was singing the praises of our great shared institutions of learning. but after about a year my folks kicked in with a one year gift subscription to the old netflix. sure, it was only a 1 disc, unlimited streaming, and not our old 3 at a time, but it was nice to be back. i'd missed the familiarity of the queue. and although i had knocked off quite a few in the interim, the access to the new releases was a plus.
but something had happened in the absence. where i used to jump on the new releases, as if there was some limited shelf life to them, the thrill of the hunt was gone now. it just didn't matter like before. and if this was art after all, wouldn't it keep indefinitely? and i certainly wasn't riding the zeitgeist any more. i mean i'm just a regular dude. it's not like i work for the ny times or something.
the following year the folks re-upped our subscription, and it was during this period the company made its fateful decision to separate the streaming and disc plans, basically doubling the price for many of their loyal followers. we who know the story, remember what happened next. a spiral of members walking away in feelings of disgust and betrayal as netflix watched its value drop by nearly half. (hmm, double your price - lose half your customers) we were still grandfathered in under our subscription, and i wondered what our plan of action should be once it expired.
now here we are, just a few days in to paying for the same plan, and i just don't know how to feel. on one hand i too wanted to join the angry mob and walk out on my former lover. i had been wooed away from blue to red. i'd learned the fight song, preached its good news, and now i felt no love returned. but as i have weighed all the options in recent days, it seems that some of my fire has smoldered. when i think of how much i used to spend on cable tv, and how little i got back in return, it's easy. and going back to the all free route, although tempting, takes a lot of work. and for less than 20 bucks a month i am getting access to quite a bit of film and tv archive. so, although i no longer go out and rah rah anymore for netflix, at the end of the day i'm giving them a solid 3 stars for like. (but look out red, something better comes along and it was nice knowin' ya :^)

2012-01-17T07:43:00.000-08:00

the sparks fly upwards
and send our dreams as letters
on kite strings to God

hangar one

2012-01-16T09:48:00.000-08:00

i was sitting at my desk the other day, when i spotted this heading our way. so bizarre to see it coming out of the east. we never saw them when we lived up in sacramento. and it made me think about the glory days of the original airships. i wondered what it must have been like to be in a farm field somewhere in europe, and then to look up and see this giant silent monster bearing down on you.

this one belongs to the hangar one vodka people and has been on a 30+ city tour. the blimp is housed nearby and must have been heading back to home base the day i spotted it. i understand that they book flights back and forth between sf and la. how cool. i wonder what it would be like to float up there suspended in the sky...

2012-01-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

finding my rest today on the day of it...

2012-01-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

our days are the path
of choices only a
penitent man will pass

2012-01-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

out tomorrow. ring if you need anything...

sign of the times

2012-01-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

i rode by the old bal theater the other night. the moon was nearly full and the city lights were beginning to dominate the landscape. in that brief moment as i passed i looked up and saw on the marquee that our very own little bal is hosting an upcoming "psychotronic film festival". it made me smile as i motored on down the old 185.
all during my growing up years the grand old dame sat vacant. during the dot-com boom a couple made rich by the tech surge bought the old gal and made a go of it showing second run features and hosting the occasional rave (for which the cops busted them more than once) and then she went silent again.
upon our return i went by and it looked like she was making a second (or third) act. all through the holidays they hosted comedy events and good time old movies. and now it looks like they're delving into the wonderful world of the super cool, super geeky b movie mash up. you've come a long way baby!

2012-01-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

as day shifts to night
we lose our ties and wind down
the reel to reel

analog

2012-01-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

at thanksgiving my cousin asked if i had seen the movie "super 8". i had not. she then told me how much it reminded her of me. curious, i got around to seeing it over the weekend, and though i wasn't crazy about it, i did enjoy taking a little time machine trip through the landscape of my youth. seeing a walkman in the movie reminded me about all of the "personal stereos" i had picked up over the years. back in the day sony was the gold standard, but there were others. i once picked up an aiwa because the sales guy said "s' got sony guts".

but my finest purchase in the field was undoubtedly back in '84 when i somehow managed to drop a hundred bucks for the wm-10, the world's smallest cassette player. without a tape inside it was as big as a cassette cover. and as i thought about this little marvel of the age, and all my fond memories of sporting it on ski trips and walking to and from school listening to big country and duran duran, i wanted to geek out a little more and went looking for any information i might find on the world wide internet.

and of course the triple w did not let me down, as i uncovered some great archival sites deicated to all things pre-digital. chief among them is walkman central, an exhaustive portal to some fine sony machinery. and as i perused my new found love interest, one thing leapt out at me. sony was the apple of its day. as i read some of the more technical achievements for each model i really got this sense that these guys were pushing the envelope wider and wider with each successive model. as problems occurred, they looked for ways to solve them and they did, again and again. and even as the shift from cassette to cd began, sony was still at the forefront of development and technology.

sadly then, it is difficult to understand why they were so soundly defeated once the shift again moved us from cd to mp3 technology. i mean they had it all. the design and manufacturing departments, research and development, marketing, even a solid link to the music business through their publishing label. so why did little apple which had never before delved into the music market become not only the spoiler, but the only dominant force in making these little music sticks that we all carry around now? in a word, simplicity. as sony added more and complexity to their devices, apple just made it simple. but looking at that old wm-10 reminded me that they once knew how to do that really well too.

2012-01-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

never forget that
life comes from above even
as we stoop below

soul's home

2012-01-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

on a recent trip to golden gate park my wife took the above photo. as she was editing it for her own bloggie i was struck by something i had read recently. the author as he moved through differing landscapes began to connect them to people he knew. the deserts reminded him of the ones who on the surface appeared reserved and dry, though the real life within them remained hidden. the lush green landscapes where leaves grew large reminded him of the ones who took every bit of life in. as i reflected on this a little i liked the idea of landscapes as people, although i honestly believe we all move through each one at different seasons in our lives. people spend time up in the mountains, but eventually come back down to live in the valleys. and despite all of our best efforts to remain lush and watered, we all most certainly have made trips through the desert. i guess the lesson here is to know the metaphysical terrain you're navigating in the moment and to respond accordingly. it's easy to move through the green pastures and along still waters that restore our souls. a little more difficult walking through valleys with the shadow of death hanging over.

2012-01-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

we move from here to
there all the while looking back
over our shoulders

small houses 08

2012-01-05T05:46:00.000-08:00

location: hwy 49, north of placerville
rolling through the golden chain highway from auburn to placerville and following a 5 dollar guidebook of the finest roads in america some 5+ years ago, i flew past this little structure right off the highway. when i headed back the other way that day i stopped to snap this picture. i never did understand its purpose for being there. there were no nearby signs for public transit or some such indication of its purpose. just one xs home.
and this reminded me today of how my access to it is now so much more removed. i can't just as easily hop on a bike and blast from my home out to hangtown and back on a sunday loop. and the fact that this has changed and all that goes with it continue to feel like a sort of death that i haven't fully processed. the bar across the street from where i work now is a constant hive of what my boss might call "transients". people like driftwood seem to move in and out of the place all day and night long. one of them even knocked my bike over the other day in an act of ignorance and carelessness.
and yet even as i considered the word "transient", isn't it what we all are? moving from one place to another, with and without purpose. whether we carry a 30 year mortgage or a duffel bag, we're just shuffling through this place. and somehow when i spot one of these little come outs from the weather it warms my heart.

2012-01-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

we shoot the bull while
the glass between us empties
and time's strands wind down

raise a pint

2012-01-03T07:49:00.000-08:00

time now to share one of my favorite new presents found under the Christmas tree this past year. 4 shiny new drinking glasses featuring marvel superheroes. i think my family must have known the loss of my old captain america glass and sought to replace it with some bonus companions! and i am very grateful for the gift, although i initially wondered about the criteria for this selection. most popular? biggest money maker? it certainly seems to me they might have done the distribution a little differently. perhaps a 50 year anniversary of the fantastic four for beginners? which could then be followed by a charter member avengers set in anticipation of the un-released film. and how about putting the wolverine into a set of other x-men?
but then i suppose this logic would eventually lead you into some questionable territory. i mean, i can see a world war 2 set with cap and bucky and maybe 2 more members of the old invaders group, or perhaps sarge fury and dum-dum? but if you try and group these heroes by their supporting characters, you might find yourself with thin choices. (who really wants a rick jones or thunderbolt ross glass?)
and this whole line of thought reminded me of the release of empire strikes back in 1980. back then the merchandising machine was just building up steam, and burger king won the rights to distribute special collector glasses for the film. each week a new character was featured on a collectible drinking glass available when you purchased a soft drink. our family didn't make the weekly trip to bk as some did, and so when we finally got there i was pretty excited at the chance to score one of these. i hoped for boba fett, and would have been happy with luke or the droids. but as fate would have it we ended up showing up on lando week. sorry billy dee. i sure didn't appreciate you then.
but i do appreciate these new additions to the cupboard, keeping the kitchen and kool-aid rations safe from evil doers. excelsior!

2012-01-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

east shakes off west as
time ticks down and the tail wags
an old shrinking dog

mr. new year

2012-01-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

first day of 2012 and what will we all find in it? the door to the answer remains locked for the present. the future is now. a very happy new year from the toastrobot!

2011-12-31T07:39:00.000-08:00

the nobility
of misfortune is that it
teaches us the truth

space age usa

2011-12-30T06:17:00.000-08:00

this little collection of images is from our newly acquired matchbook collection. they feature illustrations of the apollo 11 mission into space and lunar landing. i'm not really sure of their origin. although probably not nasa approved, they were most likely produced in the afterglow of the triumphant moon landing. as i looked around a little today i saw quite a bit of other independently produced apollo 11 memorabilia commemorating this mission.

i was just a baby when the world first thrilled to this event, but it has always produced a bit of awe when i think of all the incredible effort that went into the preparation and lead up to that day in july of '69. in my minds eye i see time standing still briefly here on planet earth, as the whole world holds its breath and stares into the night sky at that great beautiful orb and wonders. and stops to look at grainy black and white images through television shop windows. and in those moments tens of millions of the dreams of children are launched as well.

if you'd like to see more images from this collection, there's a nice little lot for auction on ebay here. bon voyage space travelers.

2011-12-29T07:10:00.000-08:00

the wait continues
as time stands still inside this
bright and empty room

the view from here

2011-12-28T12:17:00.000-08:00

as i move about my daily activities, and they sometimes seem mundane, i am reminded that all of us look differently. i do not mean as in our appearances, but in the ways we all look differently as we move through this life. sometimes we forget and become frustrated with one another because others do not see things the same way we see them. our lives are a collection of recorded images, sounds, smells, emotions, feelings and taste and so much of what moves us is incomprehensible. memories dart around us like butterflies that alight and pause for brief moments and then are gone...

2011-12-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

last season's comments
as the glow of memory
fades into distance

2011-12-26T11:50:00.001-08:00

happy boxing day!

2011-12-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

see the baby king
come now to reconcile us
with peace and mercy

2011-12-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

sounds of silence

2011-12-23T10:09:00.000-08:00

so here we are again, perched on another Christmas eve's eve. the baby's in the manger. the presents are under the tree. our hearts and minds are weary and distracted by all the madness. and have you ever listened to snow? so quiet when it falls, it seems to blanket the air. it forces us to listen. sometimes you just have to stop what you're doing and be quiet. listen...

2011-12-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

the last one to fall
remembers all who went
before and waits no more

ends and beginnings

2011-12-21T10:45:00.000-08:00

although the calendar says the new year is still over a week away i think we should actually mark it tomorrow. tomorrow marks the shortest day of the year, or solstice. it is the day in ancient times when people actually observed the sun standing still. it happens twice a year, and after tomorrow we begin the slow crawl back toward summer. it is a time of natural transition. endings and beginnings.
outside my front door most of the trees have already stripped themselves of their leaves, and moved into a kind of hibernation period for winter. and in traditional fashion many of us too are wrapping up seasonal activities as we prepare for the end of one year and the beginning of another. i don't often make new year resolutions, but if i did i'd start tomorrow.

2011-12-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

in a moment our
eyes will change made new by
perfect restoration

transformations

2011-12-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

the boss got himself a new car the other day. after he picked it up at the dealer he brought it by the shop for everyone to take a look. typical new car. shiny happy face. plastic bits everywhere. cat eyed and large. as i walked around it i could only think one thing. that this newness would soon be gone, and that as it made its way along the highways of the bay area, it would soon begin to suffer. slowly at first. almost unnoticeably. the tires would wear and the paint begin to fade. the merciless elements would begin to oxidize and then rust much of the underside. all of the soft rubber would start to shrink and crack. small dings appear like so many pock marks. one day a rock will fly up and mar the clear windshield. and the inside too would begin to wear. leather cracks. carpet fibers mat and fray. and little by little it will eventually be worthless. i see it every day now. these vehicles that cost us so much to initially acquire and then maintain. and suddenly they come to the end of their road. the ugliest junkers still out on the road each day were once brand new and shiny. and desired and wanted. and then they change. and their value is gone. worthless. i will admit though, i still love that new car smell.

2011-12-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

you took this form to
make our appeal from low and
high you represent

favorite things 17

2011-12-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

while walking through the aisles of the roseville antique trove last year, i spotted this crude little nativity on a shelf. it immediately drew me in. something in the way it looked, the unpainted wood and hand hewn figures reached out me in a kind of kinship. in fact the more i interact with each one, i have a sense that i am not unlike them. crude form altered by the creator's hand, and made to worship the baby Jesus. and now i am pleased to have them in my home, as they will continue to remind me of these things, and draw me closer in at this time of year.

2011-12-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

no room to gamble
our lives are the decks laid out
as a hand we hold

Christmas checklist

2011-12-15T06:25:00.000-08:00

stay focused. there's still lots more to do...

2011-12-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

in humility
we stand tall confident in
our high position

monday blues

2011-12-12T09:23:00.001-08:00

back now to the "it's just my job 5 days a week" thing...

2011-12-11T06:19:00.000-08:00

the shield takes a
hammer and battles on through
all adversity

the registry

2011-12-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

these are some shots from a recent outing with the boss at his local club breakfast. joe is a member in good standing of the porsche 356 registry. and very soon his own car will be on the road at these meets. we met this day in the parking lot outside san mateo's "mimi's" and i walked around like the new kid in school sizing up the student body. there were easily over a dozen examples of kaiser iron that morning in all manner of vint and condition. the great thing about this club though is that for the most part these guys really drive their machines. i watched as one after another came speeding up in the brisk cold of morning blasting its air cooled honesty for all to hear.

as i walked i watched and listened to the conversations between the owners, picking up new information on their passion and the subtle nuances between models. the fact that what looks like a cosmetic error is actually a drain hole for a sunroof car. as a more or less average carrera pulled up i was astonished as joe leaned over and told me what it was worth as is. and even as the economy has turned so many other investments upside down, all these guys have seen a return both financially and emotionally.

2011-12-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

we fly off to stars
to fight against unseen foes
and blow them away

xmas dreams

2011-12-08T07:13:00.000-08:00

as i gaze around the living room i am indeed reminded that Christmas time is here again. it sneaks up even as the years seem to speed up. and i can still remember gazing at the new school calendar in september and trying to estimate the days until Christmas break. months seemed to take years. and then we had our brief reprieve. and then it was back to a new year. and as the days grow ever shorter my sadness index increases in thinking about all those now gone days. we move from the anticipation and wonder to the responsibility and planning these holiday activities. sometimes i just miss riding in the back seat of the car and watching my mom or dad drive. and then it didn't matter where we were going. we were cared for, and that was enough.

2011-12-07T05:55:00.000-08:00

seventy years ago today everything changed...

2011-12-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

time now for call and

response to a weary and

waiting world below

assumptions

2011-12-05T06:26:00.000-08:00

went walking through our still new to us neighborhood the other night. it is named for the local catholic parish that surrounds it. and each night if i step outside at 6 i can hear organ music and church bells ringing. last saturday, headed off to find ourselves a Christmas tree, i heard the bells chiming earlier than usual. this time it was 5pm. so the following evening i decided to head over there and check it out. i saw that they have a 5pm vigil service listed each saturday, but no mention of the 6 o' clock chimes. I later put an e-mail into the parish for an answer.
while i wait though, i have been reflecting on why it's even important in the first place. hearing the distant sound of bells and organ reminded me that i am part of a community, even if i do not attend this church. and in our little digital global community, where we can skype our friends and family in london or buenos aires, i was really digging this old time call to listen. i think about all the little villages and towns through out history that have had a central clock tower or church steeple to put the call out. in these bygone days they announced celebrations or solemn occasions and even sent out alarms for fire and attack from the enemy. so that all within listening distance had opportunity and warning to respond.
and as i walked back home i longed for a deeper sense of that community. in these ever more post modern times i wonder if there will ever again come a time when we will need such a system to call us together.

2011-12-04T15:03:00.000-08:00

we bear a cross of
forgiveness and make ourselves
servants of the King

baller

2011-12-03T12:54:00.000-08:00

today my first game as coach for my boys' basketball team. returning to my old junior-high campus where i hadn't walked the halls and open courtyard since leaving all those years ago. the gym reminded me of those long gone days, and p.e. and silent reading time. our team played hard, and leading by 6 coming down to the last 2 minutes in the 4th quarter, my fastest point guard went for a steal and got wrapped up in his man and both went tumbling to the floor. the other team's player, much bigger, fell on my little guy and as he did knocked his head to the hardwood and chipped one of his front teeth.
everything went still. i scooped up the chipped portion and bent down to my guy. he was still smarting hard, and knew right away what had happened. i waited to see how he would handle it. after a minute or longer he pulled himself up and i helped him to the bench. as play continued he told me he was "ok" and that he wanted to go back in. i told him he was done for the day, that he had done enough and now still up by 6 with a minute to go, that we were probably going to win this one. he nodded. his mom came over and told me they were on their way to the dentist. as they walked out of the gym i was struck by the fire in this kid's heart. and i wondered how i would have reacted at his age.
we held on to the lead as the clock ticked out and we all smiled. but as we all made our way out i continued to ponder the fact that i had been given the greater lesson today. some of my players asked if our guard would be alright, and i just answered "i'm sure he will".

2011-12-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

memories cut the
grooves we follow of time's life
line spinning endless

record finds

2011-12-01T06:43:00.000-08:00

so as i continued to try and sort out my new garage, i made a discovery the other day. buried in a box of old records my father in law had given me some time ago i found these very tiny ones. they are smaller than a 45 and have grooves on only one side. on the non-grooved side are patent dates from the very early 1900's. i'm assuming they are little 78's, but so far i haven't had the courage to play one. but i just thought they were so odd i wanted to share them. they are clearly before my time.

but even as i was sorting through my own records, and organizing the few 45's i do own, i was impressed by this deep history of recorded music cataloged not only in our own memories, and in the music itself, but also in the beautiful paper labels that adorn these old recordings. today as with the cover art it has mostly vanished into the digital matrix. these 3 look to be from about 1918, which means that my wife's 95 year old grandfather probably listened to them as a toddler. i'll have to see if i can turn them into mp3 for him before he's gone.

if you want to learn more about these tiny recordings there is a great website archiving the entire line. check it out here. i'm still amazed that after all this time, it is still possible to see something new pop out at you in a stack of wax.

2011-11-30T09:15:00.000-08:00

the shot clock resets

our minds forget another

round of twenty four

turn to face the strange

2011-11-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

try as i may, change is difficult for me. i know intellectually that much of it is good and proper for a healthy life, and for living things it is necessary, but as i live out the change it is often a great adjustment. certainly so much of what we are adapting to is so subtle it is nearly unnoticeable. we wake and continue to breathe, and go about our days. we grow older and continue to gaze back at ourselves in the mirror. and sometimes we get locked into a rhythm, that left undisturbed lulls us into a feeling that either everything is just fine or gradually depleting us.

and then there are the times of major life adjustments; marriage, the birth of a child, the death of a loved one and the move for a new job. it is the latter i have been adjusting to for a little over 2 months now, and although the landscape is familiar to me, my thoughts keep drifting back to what i've left behind. good friends, my old job and even the apartment where we used to live now seem like a long gone far away and simpler time. sure, these are good times too. don't get me wrong. it's just different now. my birthday and this time of year always serve to remind me that time keeps moving on. who knows, maybe someday i'll look back on this time and feel that it too was a much simpler time. nothing stays the same.

2011-11-28T06:26:00.000-08:00

hopes and forgotten
eternal glimpses all stuffed
securely away

my rest

2011-11-27T16:05:00.000-08:00

today sort of a grab bag day. woke up late after a long day defending myself against allergy. sneezing and runny nose. i will need to figure out how to manage it better. a day of allergy attack wrecks me into the next day. spent this morning taking it easy and watching everyone decorate the Christmas tree. thumbed through an old u.s. camera book i bought years ago on the streets of berkeley in route to breakfast with my wife.

i was inspired and so went looking for something right outside my door to photograph. our neighborhood is already rich with layers of historic texture, so it didn't take long to find a few willing subjects. back inside now and it is quiet. i need quiet more regularly than i have been getting, and so will look for ways to engage it. there is though, always compromise it seems. life is an unending rhythm, a dance that often makes me feel out of step. then it's time to slow it down, feel the down beat count, and begin again.

2011-11-26T09:12:00.000-08:00

we open our hands
to let things be taken and
new ones take their place

lubiam

2011-11-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

this matchbox is my very favorite one out of our new collection. very similiar in scale and design to the lausanne/cerino, i love the graphic design of this little packaging. the 3 color red, black and white and the bold typography. the illustration of the boy behind the lubiam "L". a little web research could not find another like it, and the "lubiam" name also a mystery. there is an italian clothing manufacturer by that name and they have been around for decades, so it is possible i suppose.
i think what i love most about these is the thought that it was someone's job to create this. that somebody got paid for their creative efforts to produce a matchbox graphic. and the fact that as so many others race around today searching for something to spend their hard earned money on, sometimes the simplest things we hold in our hands are worth the most.

"it is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want"
-spock

2011-11-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

thankful

2011-11-23T06:45:00.000-08:00

we lay up for our
selves treasures that will not rust
in God we trust

penny saver

2011-11-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

i saw this today while getting gas. i used to see them all the time, but they have since become rare. it's the old take a penny tray for folks who are paying exact change in cash and find they have come up a little short. it's also there for you to add to the "kitty" when you get change back. and sometimes they used to sport this little phrase as well - "have a penny, leave a penny, need a penny take a penny", which if you say out loud a few times, will really get stuck in your head.
i don't know why, but i like this simple idea very much. i suppose with less people using cash these days, it isn't as cool as it used to be, but i do very much like the idea of a kind of shared currency. kind of like do-gooders who feed parking meters when they see the meter maid rolling up. or the original idea of the white bicycle movement in the netherlands. although shared transportation gets a bit messier than free pennies. anyway, i like to add to the trough whenever i can.

2011-11-21T06:48:00.000-08:00

spirit's prison walls

not made of stone or bars but

of iniquity

2011-11-20T09:17:00.000-08:00

waiting at the doors of perception today, before i consider turning the handle.

2011-11-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

time lights cigarettes
puts them in your mouth
and smokes them all down

swiss matches

2011-11-18T06:59:00.000-08:00

time now to share a matchbook, or in this case a matchbox. this is one of my two favorites from our recent acquisition from grandpa. thanks grandpa! it is a beautiful little box featuring an image of the city of lausanne on one side, and on the other, a rail car descending the alps with monte cervino or as we better know it, "the matterhorn" in the background.
i stopped and stared at this one for a long time when i first picked it up. there is something that draws me in. the lausanne image reminds me of a story book place like on the french riviera where cary grant and grace kelly played in "to catch a thief". and the matterhorn picture again is so filmic, as if it too were a character or setting in another hitchcock film.
i'm also amazed at the small level of color and print detail here. it is art on a mass scale for the time, put in the hands of the masses. i imagine ordinary working folks who couldn't afford a trip to these beautiful locales who were perhaps transported here for a few moments as i was, while standing on a street corner somewhere dragging on a cigarette. in our moments of pause we may fly away here.

2011-11-17T06:01:00.000-08:00

first you learn the notes
as play becomes internal
the rhythm is jazz

for love of the game

2011-11-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

even as the hoops hopeful watch helplessly from the sidelines, and see an ever darkening cloud moving in to wipe out this nba season, the game goes on. it goes on in countless pick up games in church and school gyms. it goes on at outdoor recesses and in driveway games of horse, 21 and around the world. and it goes on every tuesday night for me as i step into the role of a coach for my oldest boys in our local church basketball league.

i love watching these young men and women learning how to play together. although they are right at the end of it, they are still playing with the joy and enthusiasm of children. for the love. and one day for most of them, that love will probably be gone. the intense ratcheting up of competition will force many of them out, and some of them up, although it will carry with it an increasing expectation of performance. and that pressure combined with the sole aim to win.

and these are not bad things in themselves. but when the love is shed in this trade, it is a great loss. and so as i shake my head and watch grown men dig in with the sole aim to win on their side of a labor dispute, i have to wonder what happened to the love?

still spinning

2011-11-15T06:13:00.000-08:00

taking time today to unwind from weekend's activities and slowly spin my wheels.

2011-11-14T06:38:00.000-08:00

participation
with the Master Creator
is transformation

favorite things 16

2011-11-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

one of my favorite things on a saturday morning without commitments is cooking breakfast. now breakfast itself is my favorite meal, and saturday is the pinnacle breakfast day. today was the first time i'd done one in the new place and as i stood here putting it all together it occurred to me. although i have my routines and have whipped it all up in many locales this one felt different. the new kitchen, the light coming through the windows. i was re-orienting myself. i immediately wondered how many breakfasts lay ahead here.
one of my most favorite parts of this whole ritual is the quiet time i spend here preparing the food. sometimes i'll rise before everyone else and start stirring quietly. i prepare the coffee first. and once everything is on the stove i like to pull out my old church hymnal. in between flipping the sausages and french toast i'll work my way through a few of the old familiar numbers. and this is very good. it reinforces all that is good in serving and creating, drawing me closer to the Master Creator and Servant. time spent here compared to the rest is very short. but sweet, like the french toast. today we don the beret.

2011-11-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

we struck a deal long
ago to keep fires burning
and light our way home

match game

2011-11-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

funny thing happened on the way back from my last trip to my father in law's house. after dropping off his old washer/dryer dad sent me home with his parent's fantastic matchbook collection. he snuck me out before grandpa was the wiser. i brought them home in the ash can they had been stored in and then poured them out on the living room floor.
as i began to sift through the enormous pile i was struck by 2 things. first, the commitment. i don't know when the folks started this collection, but i'm guessing it goes pretty far back. a lot of the covers still list the old two letter prefix at the beginning of a phone number - like EL7-1137. and they range from that point on into at least the 1980's. that's a long stretch. second, they are from all over the world! i knew my wife's grandparents were travelers but sheesh, i had no idea. from the local pancake and burger place around the corner from where we now live, to a yurt in ecuador or a far east inn.
each of these tells a story that the storytellers can no longer relate. and yet as i am now in possession of them, i shall do my best to act as a kind of post-modern archaeologist and dig deeper into the best of these finds. perhaps they can still tell us something.

2011-11-09T06:58:00.000-08:00

you showed up to make
us laugh to forget and now
belong to angels

the tale of alfie

2011-11-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

a few weeks ago i was finishing up lunch when i heard some commotion coming from the shop. one of the guys had seen something moving around under one of the work benches. as it was october he thought perhaps someone was playing a little pre-halloween joke on him. you know, like one of those displays people put in front of their house that move as you approach. turns out it was not a joke, but in fact a real live white mouse in our very own shop! a brown mouse may not have caused as much interest i think, but his color combined with a seeming devil may care attitude as we watched him run back and forth through the shop raised our interest.
in fact he seemed to not be bothered by us humans as we edged ever closer to him. we began to speculate on his origins. there are apartments near the auto shop, and perhaps he had been someones pet and gotten away from his home. the other theory, which stretched the imagination, but gave him greater credential was that he was an escapee from the nearby reptile emporium that stocks "feeder mice" for large snakes and reptiles. although connie's was only about a tenth of a mile away, this certainly seemed to me at least a difficult distance for our intrepid little traveler.
wherever he came from, he provided increasing entertainment over the next several days. even as we speculated where he had come from, we all began to devise a way to capture our new house guest. i bought a live mouse trap that was basically a teeter-totter tunnel which would close a door when the little guy moved past the center fulcrum. he didn't seem interested. we left out peanut butter for him each night to make sure he stayed around. and i even cut the bottom of a paper cup and placed water inside for him. we attached a large funnel to a broom stick to try and trap him in the open but he escaped. i placed peanut butter in a cardboard box turned sideways outside my office window and waited until he was inside and then tipped the box right side up, but the little guy jumped out as i did so. we were all beginning to feel this mouse had outsmarted us all.

and still he kept up his game of hide and seek, showing up all over the shop, running along the ceiling and peeking out from under shelves and doorways. finally his daring got the best of him. we trapped him between cases of oil where we'd baited some of that irresistible peanut butter. the owner of the shop, mrs. b asked me if my kids would like to keep him as a pet. i thought of my wife's reaction and told her i'd think about it. meanwhile she picked up a really nice cage for him. by now he had become like a mascot around our shop. we put his new place together and got a kick out of watching him interact in his new home.

well, we did end up taking him home. although it was agreed that he would stay in the garage. my daughter named him "alfie" and they all took turns reading him a bedtime story that first night home. alfie turned out to be a tame little guy once he got used to his new apartment. although i always wondered how he would adjust to life back on the inside. the other morning barbara went outside to take the blanket off his cage and found him dead. i don't know if it was the cold, disease or if alfie just gave up as he had become a prisoner again.

my kids however, were also devastated. their new little pet, home less than a month was now gone. and so, we had ourselves a little funeral. i fashioned a suitable coffin for him out of the bottom of a pop secret box. (he loved popcorn and peanut butter) and we laid him to rest filling the box with flowers and notes. the kids all cried and i said a few words. we dug a hole at the base of one of our red apple trees and then laid a few more flowers on top. alfie, we hardly knew ye. and then just yesterday as my son aaron and i were playing catch in the backyard we watched as a white butterfly flew past us both, alighted right on the flowers above alfie's grave, paused there for a moment and then flew away again. so like alfie.

2011-11-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

we left the bumper
to bumper behind in droves
and never looked back

2011-11-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

feeling a little like this fellow today. no desire to move.

2011-11-05T07:06:00.000-07:00

knowing that although
difficult days are ahead
we are not licked yet

the cream rises

2011-11-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

one of the things i love about where we live now is the spontaneous urge to re-discover the familiar. a few weeks ago while entertaining my folks at our new home, we finished dinner and i realized we hadn't thought to get a dessert. "no problem" i said. "why don't we all go to fenton's?" mom clapped her hands. the kids all asked "what's fenton's?" and soon we were in the car and headed down the road to oakland. for those who still don't know, fenton's is a long standing east bay stop for some of the finest iced cream you will ever find. what a book could be written on the thousands of birthdays, first dates, after game celebrations, anniversaries and the like all shared here. in fact as we ordered and then waited patiently at the table making crayon masterpieces on our paper tablecloth, we joined in on no less than 3 rousing choruses of "happy birthday" for tables nearby. proving that the good times shared with complete strangers over ice cream is enough to momentarily satisfy our human longing for community. i guess some other folks know it too as evidenced here in the final scene of pete docter's last film "up". and now i see from our crayon box souvenir that they even have a location in the new nut tree plaza. good reason to stop the next time we travel up to sac to see our friends there too.

2011-11-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

the boy learns his trade
in full view of a waiting
world he created

the artist and the man

2011-11-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

the artist and the man are one. yet they are often divided. the man contains the artist. he nurtures him, grows and tends him. the artist needs the man. for it is from the man that he draws his inspiration. when this relationship is healthy they give and take. the man gives the artist what he needs to create. he offers him time. time to reflect and time to be free. the man and the artist may take long walks together regularly discussing the deep things that matter and searching for new ways to communicate them. the artist takes these thoughts and turns them into something new and gives it back to the man. the man is enriched and blessed by the artist's gift and seeks to reward him with more time.
but often times other things make demands of the man. he falls in love and starts a family and soon they too want more of the man's time. the man invites his artist to join in and give something back to the family as well. and at first the artist is happy to do it, but after some time he begins to pull back and grows selfish. he misses the time alone with the man and demands that he give him more time. the man is torn. he loves his artist. the two are one. but he also loves his family and is divided. the artist finds he is a second, and begins to pout. if the man will not come play with him alone he will go off and leave. perhaps never to come back.
and for a time he does just that. he leaves. at first the man misses him. he wonders if he made the wrong decision. maybe his artist was more important than his wife, his family. he grieves the loss. and after a time his mourning ends. although he aches as each day goes by and feels like a dismembered creature, he accepts the loss. he knows that he must be true to the man and his family first. time goes by. and one day the artist shows up again at his door. he is starving, hysterical and naked. he begs the man to take him back. he says he will do whatever he asks, only that the man would take care of him again. the man takes him in his arms and brings him in. he cleans and clothes him. begins to feed him slowly. and soon the grateful artist is well and healthy once more. like a prodigal son he has returned. and although he wants more and more than the man can sometimes offer, he is grateful for that which he has. and the man is grateful too. for the artist has helped to complete him and give him back that which he needs to share with those he loves.